i update this baby next to never, but now seems as good a time as any to make my annual post.

i am teaching for america here in los angeles.  if you ask me about how it's going, i usually have a hard time boiling it down and i end up rambling on and on or just saying "it's hard but it's been good".  i also have an equally hard time explaining why i ended up doing teach for america if it's so hard.  for now, i figure i'll try to at least answer why i'm doing teach for america.

at the start of my senior year, i felt frustrated as i looked at my bookshelf full of christian books--many of which i had not read, and thought about my comfortable bubble of ministry within grace on campus, and compared that to my love for the lost and for the poor.  there was a disconnect between my love for God and love for people, especially the kinds of people Jesus would have sought out and loved (the poor, outcasts, and "sinners").

that's when TFA grabbed my heart because it wasn't just a teaching program, it was a social justice movement.  it was more than a corporate ladder to climb for wealth and status, it was a corps of motivated individuals seeking to give all children everywhere the opportunity to attain an excellent education, the education they need (haha i've been indoctrinated well if you are a corps member).  anyway, i was sold, and the fact that it was hard only made me want to do it more.  anything worth doing will be hard, right?  i felt like i had been serving in a christian bubble and excused myself from obeying God's commands to remember the poor and made my pure and undefiled religion discussing theology rather than doing what is explained in james 1.  social justice was on my heart and TFA was the path i wanted to take to pursue it.

a side note about social justice: i know that anybody's greatest need, regardless of background or socioconomic level, is the gospel, is salvation, is Jesus Christ.  and i know that feeding someone or teaching someone math is not the same as sharing the gospel.  and i know that the greatest fulfillment of the 2nd commandment to love your neighbor is to share the gospel with them.  contrary to the popular quote "preach the gospel at all times, use words if necessary," words are essential to preach the gospel because it is news, a message of what Christ has done for us--not advice of what we must do or an example for us to follow.  but to help the poor and oppressed or anyone for that matter is simply a means to strengthen your testimony of the spoken message of the gospel.  Jesus did not love to the neglect of preaching, nor did he preach while neglecting the people's physical needs.  Jesus as always did both perfectly.

well, lately i've been losing that drive and forgetting why i had signed up for this only to be cussed at by middle school students.  thank God that right now i'm in the middle of a 2-month break since i teach at a year round school, and i've had some time to read and reflect.  and i came across an amazingly helpful quote at the end of chapter 5 of Knowing God by J.I. Packer.  in reference to Christ's humble incarnation and the idea of "Christmas spirit", he writes:


wow, there it is, i needed that not because i think i embody that humble spirit of Christ, but because i want to.  and as teaching got harder and harder, and i realized i was not going to be the inspiration for a new blockbuster movie about a young teacher changing kids' lives, i started to forget why i wanted to do this in the first place.  but by His grace i'm being reminded and i'm renewing my desire to pursue that mindset and attitude of Christ.

i was utterly poor, but Christ became poor for my sake to make me outrageously rich in Him.  now i have the privilege to be a Christian, a mini-Christ, to show people who Jesus was and is by my words AND my actions by becoming poor (not necessarily financially, but emotionally, physically, etc.) for their sakes that they may become rich in God and come to know Jesus as Savior and Lord.  so in short: to be like Jesus and to bring others to to Jesus, that's why i teach (for america) for Christ.

there are tons of things on my mind these days... haha summer is a good time to think.  and so i will make a massive update... haha beware, it's long.

1) virology research was cool, made some of the stuff i learned in classes come alive.  thankful for the opportunity, but definitely don't wanna do it in the future.  haha still dunno what im gonna do... med school?  grad school for math?

2) cbm camp was great... i wanna keep counseling for as long as i can (Lord-willing of course).  jr high camp is actually more fun but i think high school camp was more challenging and required more involved counseling.  i've been thinking about why it is that i, and probably many other people too, like things such as counseling camp and going on short-term missions.  i think part of it is the length of time.  it's short enough for you to be busy and be actively doing things and long enough to see some actual change, but on the other hand, it's short enough that you don't have to reeeeally commit too much time, it's just a week or 2 or maybe a little more, so you can still live your own life with your own plans and goals, and it's not long enough to see the frustration of seeing nothing happening... long term missionaries can't do VBS every day all day... and then what?  i like counseling camp, but why am i not as enthusiastic about discipleship?  sometimes i fear that i over-glorify short term stuff cuz its fun and you see results, and i forget the long term stuff cuz it's hard, it takes patience and faith, and in the end, you may see very little fruit.  to summarize, is my christianity characterized by 15 minutes of fame or a lifetime of faithfulness?  a week of construction, vbs, or camp counseling is still great and awesome and i ain't saying these things are not worthy of our time and effort, but i just don't want that one week of devoted service to be my excuse for 51 weeks of mediocre christianity.

3) reading blogs... haha sometimes it's a aimless waste of time, but other times i am truly challenged by something and become a better person and christian (hopefully) for having read someone's post.  this summer i been reading a bit about the emerging church.  (haha if you have no idea what i'm talking about, then... haha just skip this section.)  yes, they got some issues, but yes so do many "conservative" churches.  and the question i've gotta ask myself is: am i reaching out to this lost generation?  one thing that i have often heard and read is that many of the emerging church movement's criticisms of churches today are true and convicting--that we are failing to reach the postmodern culture with the gospel, and we stand with them there, but their methods and solutions to the problems is where we must disagree.  there are many churches that would call themselves emerging or associate themselves with the movement, but within the movement there is a huge diversity in doctrine and methods, which makes generalizations difficult and sometimes unfair.  the reason why the emerging movement gets such a bad rap is because a few leaders, who write the most things and say the most things, write and say some borderline or just straight up heretical stuff (steve chalke calling Jesus' sacrifical death for our sins "cosmic child abuse").  still there are other churches that could be called emerging but are committed to the Scriptures, historic doctrines, reformed theology, etc. and are trying to reach this "postmodern" culture.  mark driscoll pastors one such church and describes it as theologically conservative and culturally liberal, i.e. you can see people in his church with mohawks and tattoos carrying an esv bible arguing about propitiation.  i could go on forever about this (haha as you can see), but i won't so i'll just post a quote by a guy named walter henegar that has really challenged my thinking, and hopefully my living.
4) the wrath of God... it's something i don't like to think about often and choose not to talk about often.  why?  because i don't entirely understand it and have a hard time imagining what a never-ending place of fiery torment would be like... frankly it scares me, and it kills me to think that i have unsaved family and friends who are headed there...  and i choose not to talk about it often because of a fear of man, even when sharing the gospel with those who must be warned about hell.  ever since our pastor preached on the parable of lazarus and the rich man in luke 16, it's hard for me to drink a cup of cool water, or any liquid at that, and not imagine what it would be like to be in a fiery hell for the rest of eternity with never a drop of water again... every cup of water i get, every moment i have that isn't hell is grace from God.  so a lotta that has been sittin on my mind.  that's why i'm readin that book up top... haha when i first heard the title, i thought he was raggin on jonathan edward's sinners in the hands of an angry God (which is a really good sermon by the way) but he's not.  the author is just saying that this angry God is angry for a reason, but we ought not forget that He is a GOOD God.  we often think of Jesus as super loving and gracious (which He is) but He also said more about hell than any other character in the bible, fancy that.  yet churches and christians today (self included) shy away from preaching hell to non-believers, and we wonder why no one takes God seriously.  j edwards took God seriously, preached Him as such, and people responded to Him seriously, and what we got was the great awakening, a spiritual revival in america (i wish i paid more attention in US history now...).  we want revival in our lives, in our communities and schools, but we don't take or preach God seriously.  i can't remember where i heard this but, it's sad when preaching is more like entertaining goats rather than feeding sheep.  i'm guilty as charged.

alright, this was more than long enough, maybe ill just post pictures next time, haha.  if you've read this far, shame on you, there's tons better things for you to do .  and for those who wonder what i do these days, now you know:  i bum around, read, think, and xanga.